Ok, so let's be honest...this adoption thing is SO WORTH IT but someday's it's just down right hard. Hard emotionally, physically, mentally & spiritually...just hard!!! You constantly wait in anticipation of when the phone is going to ring with "that call"...we both know it's God's timing which helps us relax ALOT but still it's so mind boggling to think any minute that phone could ring. And honestly our phones are now attachment to our arms!!! Then there is the draining part of constantly worrying about the financial end of this adoption (why honestly is adoption so expensive). We know that God has the financial aspect of this adoption already planned out too but WOW it's so overwhelming at times. Who honestly can take out a loan for adoption...but I guess if you have to you have too, it's just life!!! Then there is the draining portion of adoption...the emotional aspects of it. It's honestly an up and down constant rollercoaster. I know when you are pregnant there are many challenges and worries too but it's still just so hard sometimes. Don't get be wrong here (please no pregnant woman take offense) but it's so hard hearing over and over again someone else is pregnant again. I think there are two challenging things to this...one they have a due date (when's ours???) and two they get to feel the most amazing thing, their baby moving inside of them and you also get to see your child's heartbeat on the ultrasound monitor (ok now that I have tears). Sometimes it's just saddens me to think that I will never be able to feel these "natural" things. But through it all I KNOW God has the ultimate goal in mind bringing home the chosen child to join our family and that is AMAZING!!!
Honestly, if we didn't go through this adoption journey we would not have the UNBELIEVABLE privilege of being Westyn's parents!! I would NEVER EVER EVER regret for one minute the path that we were chosen to take...he is the most amazing, loving, sweet & precious GIFT we could have ever been given. Although I did not feel him kicking me from inside, I didn't hear or see his heartbeat on the monitor...he is MY SON!!! My heart was bursting at the seams when we got the call last time that we had been chosen by Westyn's Birthmother...I could not imagine it any other way.
Look at him...he is EVERYTHING to me!!!
As this adoption journey continues to unfold to bring home Baby Mulder #2 we rejoice in the fact that God is in control...why would we want it any other way!! We cannot wait to see who God has chosen for our family this time...will Westyn have a brother or sister? Will this baby look like me this time? (we all know Westyn looks exactly like Brandon). Will we travel cross the country to welcome this child home? Will our family be blessed with a child of another ethnic background? WOW the anticipation is killing us!! Through it all God has used our adoption journey's for a reason that is to strengthen our faith & trust in him. Through it all he remains the center of this journey...He has brought this into our lives for a reason and He won't let us down!!!
2 comments:
Great post! I'm excited to see what God has planned for you!
Kari, I'm sorry to read that you're struggling. I know those feelings well, although my mind is filled with other baby-related thoughts now... I remember the frustration over seemingly every one else and their due date. I knew well the pain that accompanies other's announcements when left still waiting. I feel for you and I'm sorry that you are currently bearing the hard bit of the wait. God has given you perspective, though, which is a beautiful, blessed thing.
Cling to Him.
He has a good and perfect plan for you, Brandon, Westyn, and Babe #2.
Praying for you always...and looking forward to finding out who Babe #2 will be!
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